Unjustified jealousy is the ultimate relationship killer because it attacks the very basis of a healthy relationship, the trust factor. Feelings of jealousy are extremely tormenting both for the person experiencing these feelings as well as for the significant other who is faced with the difficult task of constantly having to reassure his/her loved one and facing distrust and suspicion on a daily basis despite his/her genuine efforts.
Although it might be hard to swallow, the truth is that excessive jealousy is the result of low self esteem and lack of self confidence. Generally, those who have low levels of self-esteem tend to have a dependent personality and have an acute need for constant reassurance and because they often experience feelings of unworthiness they tend to unconsciously sabotage every relationship they are in.
That's why the first step in solving the problem of jealousy in a relationship is to start developing a self-esteem. You cannot have a healthy romantic relationship without first having a good relationship with yourself.
Once you become aware of your personal worth you become more independent you are no longer paralyzed by the fear that your significant other might leave you because you no longer associate your personal worth with maintaining a certain relationship.
Once you don't base your relationships on need anymore and focus instead on giving the best possible contribution to the relationships and you make decision based on want you want instead of letting fear take over your life, great relationships start to develop.
Control your reactions and communicate with your partner
Avoid jumping to conclusions based on minor events. While this might be one of the hardest things you have to do, it's important to be able to objectively analyze your reactions and know when the jealousy you are feeling is really justified. Talk to your significant other and let him/her know about your feeling without accusing him/her of anything.
Take responsibility for your reactions and calmly tell your significant other if there are some things that she/he can do to help you overcome this problem easier. Your significant other will most likely appreciate the efforts you are making and because with this approach you will be able to keep the communication lines open, your loved one will be more likely to be supportive and understanding, making it easier for both of you to restore trust and revive your relationship.
If the situation continues to worsen despite your best efforts it's time to take more radical measures. A careful analysis of the feelings of both partners as well as the the relationship is essential in order to make a final decision. Many couples can find that excessive jealousy has brought the relationship to a critical point and maybe even beyond salvation and that breakup is the only optimal solution.
However, if the feelings are still strong and both partners are willing to deal with the problem, then couples therapy can be really helpful. Try to keep an open mind and accept your feelings without being ashamed of them. Don't be afraid of sharing your feelings and be willing to accept that it might take a lot of time to overcome this problem especially if excessive jealousy is the result of past hurtful experiences.
